Separation anxiety: Naptime dos and don’ts

If your little one is going through a bout of separation anxiety in baby sleep, chances are they'll struggle to sleep through the night - and so will you!

Though it can be distressing to know your baby is experiencing separation anxiety in baby sleep - which is causing them to struggle at night - ultimately it's a very normal thing for babies to go through, and is usually only temporary.

To add to this, there are various things you can do to help them sleep, and ease their anxiety - maintaining a consistent nap and sleep routine is crucial, for instance. We'll go into more detail later in this article - and we'll also go over some more important things to consider if your baby's sleep schedule needs improving.

In this article:

Separation anxiety - causes, and how it affects sleep

Helping your baby or toddler sleep

Separation anxiety and naps - common questions

What causes separation anxiety in baby sleep - and how does it affect sleep?

When babies are around 6 months old, they begin to understand object permanence. This is the concept that objects and people continue to exist even when they are out of sight. Though it's an important developmental milestone, it can cause separation anxiety in baby sleep, as babies begin to understand that when you leave, you're gone, and they don't know when you'll return.

This understanding of object permanence can lead to them becoming very clingy, and getting upset if you attempt to leave them - whether that's with other people, or even just on their own. It is, however, a good sign that they're forming a secure attachment to you!

As babies continue to gain independence as they grow into toddlers, separation anxiety in baby sleep can reach its peak sometime between 12 and 18 months, as with increased independence comes increased uncertainty about their experiences. To add to this, stressful or traumatic life events can increase feelings of anxiety.

This anxiety can really disrupt your baby's sleep pattern, causing them to struggle to fall asleep. It can also coincide with sleep regressions, which just adds to the issues. Many babies will not want to sleep without having you nearby, and will kick up a fuss if you try to leave them alone.

Additionally, when they do fall asleep, they might not stay that way - oftentimes babies will not sleep through the night, and will cry when they wake up and you're not there.

Separation anxiety in baby sleep - how to help your baby sleep

Establish a good nap time routine

A consistent nap time routine and sleep schedule can do wonders for an anxious baby. The stability brought by a consistent routine can help keep babies well-rested - this means they have a better chance of remaining calm and being able to cope with you leaving.

A good nap time and bedtime routine also gives your little one some time to wind down before they sleep, which can help them feel safe and calm. This can be useful in helping them sleep the right amount of time during naps and overnight.

Changes to a routine can become what your baby expects fairly quickly - which can result in them becoming stressed or anxious when there are inconsistencies, so ensure you're able to stick to your routines!

Learn the signs your baby is tired

It may sound obvious to say, but becoming familiar with how your baby shows they are tired is very important. Once you can recognise all the signs, you can react quicker and meet their needs - preventing them from getting too tired.

Here are some of the tell-tale signs of a tired baby:

• Yawning
• Frowning or looking worried
• Rubbing their eyes
• Drooping eyes or fluttering eyelids
• Pulling their ears
• Pulling their hair
• Becoming less responsive
• Arching backwards

There are a couple of signs that can indicate your baby is overtired, however. These include:

• Becoming upset or irritable
• Crying

Figuring out when in a day your baby gets tired can be a helpful indication of whether your current sleep schedule is working, or whether it needs some adjustments.

Create positive associations with nap time

It's a great idea to help your little one form positive sleep associations. A sleep association is essentially any thing or action that your baby associates with it being time to fall asleep - which lets them know it's time to wind down before naptime or bed.

However - there are positive and negative sleep associations. A negative sleep association is something that you have to do for them during sleep, such as rocking them. Positive associations on the other hand can be things that are done in preparation for sleep, or something babies can do themselves through the night.

A consistent naptime and bedtime routine can be positive associations as they occur prior to sleep, and set the scene for your little one, letting them calm down and relax before they you leave them to sleep on their own.

When it comes to sleeping independently, the right sleepwear can also be a positive association, particularly if it helps your baby self soothe - like our Zen Sack™ Classic. It's a sleep sack which is safely weighted to mimic your touch. We consider it essential for sleep training!

Kim West wrote this for her baby sleep site Sleeplady.com on the topic of avoiding negative sleep associations and creating positive ones:

"Remember, the habits you begin to teach your child at this early age set the stage for sleep patterns kept long into adulthood! What better gift could you give your child then a lifetime of peaceful, restorative sleep? Celebrate the independence of your child falling to sleep on her own! Sweet dreams!"

Adjust your baby's sleep schedule if necessary

If your little one is struggling to sleep due to separation anxiety, nap and sleep schedule adjustments may need to be made to make sure they aren't set up to have trouble from the very beginning! It's important that your baby's sleep schedule makes sense for their age, to ensure they are sleeping and waking up at the right times, as well as having the right amount of daytime naps (which are the right length).

The right sleep schedule can prevent your baby from becoming over and under tired. If they're too tired or sleep deprived they may protest sleep due to becoming stressed, and if they aren't tired enough may protest sleep simply because they don't feel like it's bed time yet. Either of these in combination with separation anxiety in baby sleep can make getting to sleep particularly difficult.

While nailing your baby or young child's sleep schedule might not always result in their anxiety being massively reduced, it will at least help you decide whether the schedule was playing a part, or whether you need to consider other methods of easing their anxieties.

Common questions about separation anxiety and naps

• What are the signs of separation anxiety in babies?

  Babies who are going through separation anxiety can become clingy, and get upset when left alone, or separated from their primary caregiver. They may cry or throw tantrums they feel anxious about separation. Babies who feel fearful due to anxiety can also refuse to sleep on their own, or struggle to stay asleep. They may also wake and cry during the night. Symptoms of separation anxiety in baby sleep can also be exacerbated due to stressful life events.

• How can I help my baby with separation anxiety?

  There are numerous ways of helping babies who are struggling with separation anxiety. Make sure to comfort them regularly, particularly when they are upset, however don't linger for too long if you need to leave as to not give them a false sense of security. Keeping a consistent routine, including a good routine at bedtime, are good ways of bringing stability to their life, which can reduce anxiety. Build their tolerance for separations by starting with shorter separations and slowly increasing the time and unfamiliarity. You can also play games such as peek a boo - this helps with their tolerance of separations as it reminds them that when you leave, you will return. Ensure you contact a pediatrician or doctor if you have any concerns about separation anxiety in baby sleep, separation anxiety disorder, or other mental health disorders such as depression. Nap and sleep adjustments can make a difference, but always contact a medical professional if you are worried.

• Can separation anxiety affect naps?

  Separation anxiety can interrupt a baby or young child's sleep in various ways. Many who develop anxiety will have sleep problems such as trouble falling asleep and have difficulty staying asleep through the night. They may refuse to sleep at all without you being near them, and get upset if you leave them. Babies who are having sleep problems due to anxiety may wake up during the night or from a nap feeling distressed, which can cause them to cry or call for you.

• Can you sleep train a baby with separation anxiety?

  Oftentimes, parents choose to begin to sleep train their baby when they are around 6 months old. This also happens to be the age where separation anxiety can first appear. Sleep training is still possible at this stage, but can be more difficult - starting at around 4 or 5 months can make things easier for you and your baby.

• What age does separation anxiety peak?

  Babies can begin to experience separation anxiety when they are around 6 months old, as they begin to understand object permanence. However, since every baby is different, some may develop anxiety when they are closer to being a toddler. It usually hits its peak sometime between the ages of 12 and 18 months, but even so, if it lasts longer than a few weeks, you may want to contact a doctor or pediatrician for advice.

• Can separation anxiety cause high blood pressure?

  Sheldon G. Sheps, M.D., writing for Mayo Clinic, states that generally in people, anxiety does not cause long-term high blood pressure. However, bouts of anxiety can cause temporary spikes in blood pressure. If you or your baby is experiencing excessive anxiety, or if you have concerns about health conditions, contact a doctor or pediatrician for medical advice.

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